How I made myself whole in an impossible year.

  • by Kirstie Kenton

I shared this poem from the brilliant Cleo Wade in my Instagram stories yesterday. Her words spoke to me and I hadn’t analyzed why - I just shared (as many of us do). This morning I’ve had the chance to re-read the poem and the reason it resonated with me makes perfect sense…

I started this year pregnant. Literally. Sorry for the TMI but my husband Brian and I conceived on New Year’s Eve. I thought that I’d be ending this year with a baby in my arms. A brother or sister for my three-year-old son, Owen and our little family complete. 

Sadly, it wasn’t in the cards for us and on the same week I found out that I had miscarried - the first Coronavirus cases were appearing in New York. My doctor assured me that it would spread to us, in California, soon and that we should wait to conceive again until we have more information.

Based on reports in the news and a contentious election coming up; I knew it was going to be a stressful year. Even when the world is running as “normal”, I live with generalized anxiety disorder and mild bouts of depression. It is work every single day to keep my mind from spiraling to a not-very-fun-place.

So, I decided to wait….And wait. Until I talked to my friend Kristina about a “weird” business idea I had and she said, “Kirst, why don’t you just birth a business?”  So, I did! With the help of a wonderful coach, Kaley, we birthed Curated for Equality together.

Yesterday, I announced that my business was featured in Malibu Times Magazine and I ended my day with an inspiring meeting with a nonprofit network who’s work I admire. They invited me to join their network and introduce me to some women working towards gender and racial equality — including a public figure who I announced I’m a “SUPERFAN” of in a very professional meeting. This morning, I had another promising meeting for a business partnership that will help to market my company and grow our sales exponentially (more to come on both projects).

I know this has been a heartbreaking year for many people who have lost loved ones, jobs, businesses... I’m not saying that everyone should have started a brand in 2020. I’m just a little crazy like that! Furthermore, I am extremely fortunate to have family and friends who have supported me along the way.

With my birthday this weekend and the end of the year approaching, I am counting all of my blessings and ending the year more in tune with myself than ever. My anxiety isn’t gone but it is much more manageable. I wake up everyday with purpose.

As Cleo so beautifully puts it, I’ve made myself whole. Again & again & again.

If you’re still here reading, thank you!! I love you. I hope that you’re at least a little inspired by my words. Even if you think your business idea is too “weird” or it isn’t the right time - just go for it! Take small steps. One day at a time and you may just end up fulfilling a lifelong dream.


p.s. if you're interested in reading more of Cleo Wade's work, here is her website.


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